Parental Alienation

Parental alienation is the process, and the result, of psychological manipulation of a child into showing unwarranted fear, disrespect or hostility towards a parent and/or other family members. It is a distinctive form of psychological abuse and family violence, towards both the child and the rejected family members, that occurs almost exclusively in association with family separation or divorce, particularly where legal action is involved. 

Parental Alienation as Child Abuse and Family Violence

I am so glad that more research is being done into the belief that Parental Alienation is both child abuse and family violence. I had a front-row seat into what my ex-wife was doing to my son. He was having a variety of issues and didn’t know how to deal with them. He was only 6 years old when the separation and divorce began. He was taken to a play therapist who couldn’t recognize the signs of Eryk’s distress was the conflict his mother had with me and instead took the easy route and followed the mother’s explanation that as his dad, I was the problem. CPS failed to believe in a narrative other than Eryk’s mother’s that the demon in the story was me. The Courts took 18 months and a jury trial to change the custody arrangement. When Eryk’s mother went home after the jury awarded me 100% custody, she went home and shot him. How is that not family violence? How is the emotional neglect and emotional abuse he suffered as a result of his mother’s constant attack on me not child abuse?  

Our system does not want to believe that people lie. Lie to mental health professionals, judges or police. They don’t want to see the evidence that something isn’t correct when it is right in front of their faces. I have heard stories like mine from both men and women that sound like mine. Luckily not with the death of their child, but the alienation portion. It is illogical for a child to suddenly reject a loving parent and the reasons are so bizarre as to defy belief.  

Last summer, I was in Washington, D.C. with two others to deliver a request signed by 20,000 people asking, if not begging, the American Psychological Association to take a serious look into Parental Alienation as a form of child abuse. They ignored all three of us. I was so disappointed at their lack of understanding. They are the guiding force of the entire mental health field and if they chose not to recognize the damage that is being done to children and parents, then the change we victims are advocating to change will be slow indeed. 

But we will prevail. The winds are changing direction. More research is being done to prove the long term negative effects that parental alienation has on children. The increased depression, anxiety, and decreased ability to have healthy interpersonal relationships is just the beginning. Together, we will see our court system and mental health profession come to see what we all know to be true. Parental Alienation is killing our children and our future.