The greatest moment in my life was the day I became a dad. I was so happy. My own dad was a perfect role model on what a dad is. He worked hard to provide for the family. He was the moral leader as well as the physical leader of our family. While my mother worked to the bone to keep us feed, clothed and make our house a happy home, it was my father who pushed work ethics. Any job worth doing is worth doing right the first time. He was also humble. He was quick to lavish praise on others, but shied away from it when it was given back to him. In a few words, my father is the perfect role model for what being “Dad” is all about.

When Eryk entered the world on Friday, October 31, 2003, I channeled all of what he had taught me through words and actions into trying to be that very image for my own son. From the very beginning, I was there in every way possible. I picked up a second job to help ease our economic issues, I played with him all the time and read books to him every night before he went to bed. I tried to be a moral role model as well as a physical one. He was baptized in the Catholic Church as I was. We went to church, though not as often as we should have. His mother and I even discussed sending him to the private Catholic school I worked at. I tried to demonstrate how a man treated those in his life with kindness and respect just as my father did.

It was a devastating blow when, through the course of our divorce, Eryk’s mother sought to take that away from me. Every child needs to have to influence of BOTH of their parents in their lives. Science has proven that again and again. Heck, his mother even published on the importance of a boy having his father engaged in his life. Yet, she sought to keep me out of it. The courts and CPS were unwitting accomplices in her task. I had to fight and fight to keep my rights to be a regular part of Eryk’s life. 

The worst day of my life was the day Eryk was killed by his mother. It was her final push to take Eryk and I away from each other. We were the best of pals and had many great adventures together. Divorce is to end the marriage, not the family. I first heard these words from Dr. Craig Childress and have shared them many times since. Just because the adults do not like each other, it doesn’t mean that the kids have to hate as well. They need to have that healthy relationship with BOTH parents to have a chance to become fully functioning and healthy adults. Let Dads be a part of the equation.